Timothy Simons Quotes

  • The truth is, there is no link between vaccines and autism. Vaccines are incredibly important.
  • You're taught from a very young age that you shouldn't get too big for your britches, so I tend to err way too much on the side of 'Nothing means anything.'
  • I don't know, and certainly I've been guilty of making a judgment about a celebrity, but there's a part of me that's like, 'Why don't you take the time you're spending ripping James Franco and go do something you like?'
  • Keeping children alive and free of disease is not a political issue and cannot be put into a partisan box.
  • I think the absolute worst job I ever had - not because it was a terrible job, just because I was just so bad at it - was when I worked at a scenic factory in Chicago.
  • I got my SAG card doing a Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial in Chicago.
  • I'm saying nothing new that Dave Pasquesi is really good at what he does.
  • Reed Scott is really good at coming up with insults.
  • The Duplass brothers do that so well - that very simple, very horrifically awkward comedy.
  • I took one class at Second City called Improv for Actors, and that was it, and that was only because my agent told me I had to.
  • I was born in the Northeast, and I have Midwestern parents.
  • When I was a carpenter, I built sets for small storefront Chicago companies. Like, I built sets for friends of mine at The House Theater.
  • We live in a world in which whatever you do has a parody account online in moments.
  • I'm very much in favor of vaccinations, and I've been very vocal about that because it's insane to forgo this.
  • There are people I've met in L.A. who kind of only talk about the business. Because maybe they think that's the best move.
  • It's much harder to get a job if nobody wants you around.
  • The one thing I always think about when I don't get jobs is that it just wasn't yours. You don't want to do something that you're not right for because it won't make the production look good, and it won't make you look good.
  • If you're going to go to an audition, you don't want to go in trying to force yourself into some archetype that has been thought up by a director and translated by a casting director.
  • There is that great thing of D.C. being Hollywood for ugly people. There's very distinct crossover behaviors.
  • When I was in Chicago, I was working as a carpenter while I was doing plays. I thought it'd be a fun set construction job, but it turned up to just be a straight-up factory.
  • My children, twins who are three years old, they're awful creatures right now.
  • I think I was a behavior problem, mostly, but in a fun way. I tried to tell jokes. I was the middle kid, so I was always looking for attention and trying to be the one that equalized everything.
  • David Letterman was my guy growing up. My parents recorded the tenth anniversary special for me, and I watched it 40 times.
  • I've lived with myself for a very long time, so I'm aware of what I look like. I'm under no false pretense that I'm a stunner, so if somebody comes up and says something about my physical appearance, it's okay.
  • I'll believe I made it when I'm 100 years old, I'm still able to get work, and they're about to put me in a coffin, and I'll be like, 'Yeah, OK, it went all right.' But until then, I'm not saying it.